I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
