it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
