this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
