I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You are the jesus of drinking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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