the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
