I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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