Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
