just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize