Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
