My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
