The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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