ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I looked at my own cervix.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
