I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
