Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
