All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
