Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
