i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
