i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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