saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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