I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
