If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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