took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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