I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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