im six kinds of drunk right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
