So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
