He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
