I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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