so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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