i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We need to rekindle our bromance
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
