You're my little dorito
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize