just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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