Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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