look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
