At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
