HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
