I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
