btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
