Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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