Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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