is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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