some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
