we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
