Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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