Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
