i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
