i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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