WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
