yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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