apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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