Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
