sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
