Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
