he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
wow bdsm is so cute
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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