What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
