Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
