your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
