At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
