where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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