Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
