you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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