they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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