How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
