I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
