He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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