im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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