just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
