i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
