Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
