Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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