Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
should my penis look like a turkey
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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