He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
