This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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