I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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