Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
