Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
