I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
