That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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