Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
